mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
