...so i touched it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
