WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
