just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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