At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
