The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
