the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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