where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
