I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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