The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
