Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize