hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
