her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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