U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize