I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
