question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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