Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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