What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
