when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
