Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
