i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
