The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
