I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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