she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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