apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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