I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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