i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
