If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My dick has a subreddit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize