i wish my penis had a tongue
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
