we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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