It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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