I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
