I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
