I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
