My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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