just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize