Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
this boner is exhausting
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
