why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
