"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
