...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
