I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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