I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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