my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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