I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
