is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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