There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
