I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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