I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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