She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
