At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
