i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
