last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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