Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
