so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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