There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
