I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
