hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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