I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
