Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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