She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
