I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
