Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
