how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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