Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
