And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
