yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
