What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
