Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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