Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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