Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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