I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
