she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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