I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
