The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how does that bad decision feel?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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