Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I need to stop coming to work sober
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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