they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
